Little Silver Soldier
by coldfiredragon
Summary: sequel to 'It Has to Be'. There were things that Irvine didn't tell Zell and now his past has come back to haunt him. Story III in the Silver Bullet Arc
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FFVIII. End of story. I love reviews so please review.**

**Notes about this story:**

**This is the third story in Silver Bullet Story Arc. The other two stories in this arc in order are **_Falling Alone _**and **_It Has to Be_

**YOU NEED TO READ **_It Has to Be_ **FIRST ****to understand this story throughly.

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It pulls me apart to see her with him but it is what I wanted. For her and for me, I couldn't offer her the kind of love she needed so I pushed her towards the man that could.

Zell is taking good care of Selphie. I can see it when she smiles at him, then she will see me and a far off pain will brim in her eyes. I know she still loves me and I love her too but there are things I can never tell her, or tell anyone for that matter.

There were a lot of things that I didn't tell Zell. The night Zell and I talked, despite my drunken state I refused to tell him things. I only told him enough so he would agree to take care of Selphie. No one needs to know my darkest secrets and if I'm lucky no one here will ever know what I hold close to my heart.

Things were rough between Selphie and Ifor a while and it has been almost two months since I told her to forget me. She seems to be doing better with it. We had a long talk about a week after Zell and I came to blows in my room. I don't know what he said to her after that night but I'm grateful.

We talked and I told her I loved her as a friend but that I couldn't be with her. I begged her to forgive my shortcomings and let me be her friend again. She agreed but on the condition that I help with the upcoming festival. We had all warned Squall when he made her the Garden's morale officer that she would go nuts if given the opportunity and the number of Garden festivals have increased since she took over the position.

To appease her I agreed but only on the condition that Zell do it with me. He had protested when he found out but one sweet smile from Selphie was all it took to turn him into putty. Getting him to work on this festival has been both a curse and a blessing.

On the one hand I have another guy on the committee but on the other I have to see them together all the time. Like I said, this iswhat I wanted. They seem to keep it to a minimum when I'm around which is something I thank Hyne for. I don't think I would last long if I saw his arm around her slim shoulders every second I was in their presence.

It also helps that Rinoa and Matron agreed to help with the festival. Rinoa agreed because Squall has his hands full with his duties as commander and Matron agreed because she couldn't resist Selphie's enthusiasm. To see Matron smiling at us as we bicker back and forth is wonderful. I missed her when I was growing up. There were few female figures whenI was younger andmy memories of her always stayed in my thoughts.

I would remember how her eyes would smile in amusement even when she had to punish us. She realized we seven little kids and that we really didn't mean to cause a lot of the trouble we got into. She's the closest thing to a mother I have.

I finish hanging the rope of streamers from the support beam and climb down the ladder. Rinoa, Matron, and Selphie are standing back to watch me and make sure that I don't somehow screw up their precious decorations. Everything has to be just so so or Selphie will make me do it over again. As I reach the last step a slight wave of dizziness washes over me. I'mforced to grab onto the ladderbefore I fall. When the worst of the spell has cleared Idrop to the ground.

The room spins for a few seconds and then settles again. I look over towards the girls who clearly noticed my brief episode. Matron is giving me an especially odd look. She seems to be staring at something around me as if there is something only she can see. Suddenly Rinoa gets the same look but she seems much more confused. It's almost as if she's not sure what she is looking at.

Selphie on the other hand is making her way towards me with a concerned look in her bright green eyes.

"Irvine are you okay?" I nod, the wave of dizziness has already faded. I can see her reaching out to touch my forehead. Most likely to see if I'm running a fever or something. I feel a bit warm but I was balancing on a ladder for over a half an hour so I don't think it is anything major.

I couldn't be more wrong. Right as Selphie is about to touch me a splitting pain rips through my right arm and I cry out. Almost immediately I drop to my knees and cradle my arm to my body. The feeling is familiar and I know I've gone pale as a sheet as fresh waves of pain tear their way down my arm. Panic is bubbling in my stomach. This can't be happening now. It's been years since they tapped me.

Selphie has her hands on my shoulders and is clearly scared out of her mind. She has no idea what is happening to me but I know all too well. This was the reason I can't be with her.

It is suddenly hard for me to hear and the world appears as though it was being filtered through water. I know it isn't water. It is magic, very old and extremely powerful magic that even the sorceresses don't have. A small voice in my mind tells me that this is what Matron and Rinoa are seeing. They can see the magic as it gathers around me. Matron noticed it first because of her long history but Rinoa is still relatively new to the powers so it took her longer to comprehend what she is seeing.

Selphie can't see or feel it and she is still holding onto my shoulders. I can almost sense the panic radiatingfrom her. My senses are slowly returning to normal and I hear Matron speaking in a forceful tone to Selphie.

"Selphie go get Squall, go now." The girl looks over at her without letting me go.

"What about Dr. Kadowaki? He's in pain. Maybe she can help." She's obviously reluctant to leave but Matron's tone is forceful and contains an edge I've never heard her use before.

"I can take care of Irvine. Get Squall now." Selphie obviously hears her tone because she lets me go and runs from the quad.

I look over at Matron to see her face soften as she walks towards me. She kneels in front of me and reaches to touch me butright as she lays her hand on my shoulder she pulls back as though burned. Rinoa is standing farther back with a terrified look on her face. She doesn't understand what his happening to me or why she can see something that she couldn't see before.

"Matron what's happening to him?" Rinoa started calling Edea Matron shortly after our defeat of Ultimacia. I guess it makes her feel more like one of us. Matron sighs and shakes her head.

"Let me see your arm Irvine." I don't want to show her. It's supposed to be my secret but Matron's voice still holds the tone she had used with Selphie so I find myself stripping off the long sleeved t-shirt I had been wearing.

Instead of the normal tanned skin the upper portion of my right arm is covered in an elaborate silver tattoo. I can tell that Matron immediately knows what it is because the commanding tone of her voice is replaced with sadness and sympathy.

"Oh Hyne." I can't stand to look at her so force my gaze to the floor. "How long Irvine?" I don't want to talk about this but she needs to know. She's the only one who will know what it represents.

"Since I was eleven." Her hand immediately flies to her mouth and I can see tears well in her eyes.

"I didn't know they took children that young." Rinoa is completely lost and has no idea what is going on or what we are talking about.

"Matron what's happening to him? I don't understand what you two are talking about." Matron looks between Rinoa and I with sadness in her eyes.

"The tattoo on his arm is the marking of the Silver assassin's guild." Rinoa has no idea who the Silver Assassins are so Matron continues. "The guild hires out its members for assassinations. When the member isn't needed the tattoo remains dormant and unseen but when the member is tapped the tattoo makes itself visible."

"So they are calling him to kill someone? Can't he just ignore it?" Matron is ready to answer but I beat her to it.

"If I do the magic woven into the tattoo will kill me." Rinoa is speechless and I start pulling my shirt back over my head. "There is nothing either of you can do. I gave up and accepted my destiny years ago. I can't fight it and I don't really fancy dying so I don't have a choice." Suddenly Squall bursts in with Selphie close at his heels.

"Irvine what happened?" Selphie said something was wrong." I look up at him and flash him a sad smile.

"Ever heard of the Silver Assassins?" I'm surprised when he nods. I should have known better, of course he would know, he's the Garden's commander. "Well I am one and I just got tapped." If the situation weren't so serious the way Squall's jaw dropped open would have been hilarious.

"How come you never told any of us?"

"Because you didn't need to know and I haven't been tapped in years. You know what I have to do right?" He nods in silence.

"Do you know the details?" I shake my head. I won't find out till I report in. I need to leave soon or the they will think I'm not coming and the pain will only get worse." He nods again.

Selphie is looking between us in confusion. When she had left I was on the floor in more pain than she had ever seen me in. Now Squall and I are talking about something that she has no clue about.

"What's going on?" Her voice is small and clearly bewildered. "Why is Irvine leaving?" A pang of guilt snaps at my heart. This is what I wanted to protect her from, the very reason I pushed her away. Now I have to tell her anyway. I turn to Selphie and realize for the first time that there are tears running down her face. Her tears make my explanation even more difficult.

"When I was eleven I was forced to join an assassin's guild. They control their members with powerful magic. They have a job for me so I have to go and do it. That's why I'm leaving. I'll come back." I hate sugar coating the truth like that but I can't stand to see Selphie cry. I think she might actually accept my explanation when Rinoa pipes up.

"How can you take this so lightly? You have to kill someone you don't even know and if you don't your going to die." Matron and Squall move to silence Rinoa before she can get the last bit out but they fail and I begin silently cursing her. Selphie is staring at me in shock, more tears are brimming in her beautiful green eyes.

"You could die?" I nod, suddenly feeling defeated and hopeless. I had accepted this part of my life until I joined with Squall to try and take down Matron. When did things suddenly get so complicated? Before I can try and calm Selphie down she turns away from me and runs at full speed from the quad.

I'm left there to watch her run away from me. When I turn back to the others they are all watching me with sadness and pity.

To Hyne I don't want pity. This is why assassins like me don't make close friends. I never wanted to see someone pity me because I couldn't stop what had been forced on me as a kid. The past was supposed to remain hidden.

"I have to leave." I don't know what else to tell them. Squall nods.

"Let us know if we can help."

"You can't. I have to do this on my own, just like I've done for years." Without another word I turn and leave the quad. As I walk away Caib's words haunt me.

/It's better not to make friends./ Well I failed Caib, I hope you understand.

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**I hope everyone liked it. If it didn't totally make sense read **_It Has to Be _**It should clear parts of this story up.**

**Okay guys, I love reviews. Tell me what you think of this story and the 'Silver Bullet' Arc as a whole. I will continue this fic and I respond to each review I get. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't **_own_** any part of FFVIII. End of story. I love reviews so please review.**

**Notes about this story:**

**This is the**_ second chapter_ **of the _third story_ in Silver Bullet Story Arc. The other two stories in this arc in order are **_Falling Alone _**and **_It Has to Be_

**YOU NEED TO READ **_It Has to Be_ **FIRST ****to understand this story throughly.**

**ANs for this chapter: There is one curse word and some dark themes. You have been warned. I hope everyone enjoys! **

**Special thanks to **_Tinnuial _**for recently encouraging me to continue this.

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I drop my duffel bag onto the floor of the train compartment and throw myself onto the narrow bunk. I don't want to be doing this, I should still be back at Garden, not being guided by ancient magic towards Deling City.

When I was a child I knew that this would be my life. I had always wanted to be a SeeD though. At least if I was a SeeD I've have some degree of choice. I've never had a choice about who I kill. I do the job or I die, I've seen one of our 'members' die. It's that simple.

A shudder ripples down my spine as Jeremy's screams ring through my mind. He had been twelve, I was eleven, it had been shortly after our initiation. The job had been Jeremy's first assignment and he had refused. I'll never forget watching him writhe in agony on the floor of the guild house no matter how many GFs I junction to my psyche. A shadow like mist curls around the memory and a three toned voice in perfect harmony offers to try. Diablos awakens and mentally nudges the three headed mutt away. Funny that the demon in my head is the only one to understand. He understands that I need that memory to stay alive. I've found that there are some memories that my GFs just won't take and those related to my guild days remain as fresh as ever.

I never wanted any of my friends at Balamb to know about my past, about the fact that I am a guild bound killer. It is so much different from them being able to say that they are SeeD. I roll onto my side and squeeze my eyes shut. I don't want to do this again, I don't want to go back. I almost want to kill myself.

Squall and Matron would understand why if I did, but Selphie wouldn't and I can't cause her that kind of pain. I love her so much it hurts. I tried so hard to push her away because I knew that all I would do was hurt her. My only consolation is that Zell will be there to hold her and wipe away her tears if I did kill myself. He will take better care of her than I can and she deserves the best.

I've known for years that life is never fair but until I had friends I never realized that it was so cruel or complicated. My life was easier when I didn't have people who cared about me. I let them get close and now I'm paying for it. I'm sure they think less of me now than they did before.

The motion of the train eventually lulls me into a hazy sleep but my rest is haunted by nightmares that are all too real for me. My life is my nightmare and I remain trapped in my memories until the train reaches Deling City.

The sun has already gone down by the time the train settles at the station platform. I slip the strap of my duffel back over my head and adjust my rifle case so Exeter sits comfortable against my spine. I swear that the gun has been my best friend through the worst times. There is just something about focusing all your energy into a single shot that somehow makes things better for a few moments. The platform is mostly deserted as I step onto it. There will be no one meeting me so I slip through the small knots of people unnoticed.

The streets are louder and there is an undercurrent of chaos that I've missed and I allow myself to breathe in the cool city air. It's been far too long since I came home to Galbadia and I've gotten used to the relaxed pace of Balamb Town. The rush of the city excites me and I wish desperately that I had come home for different reasons.

A wave of magic crackles through my body and I feel the power of it overwhelming me. I give in knowing that if I resist I will only cause myself pain. I finally regain control of my body outside a rundown business in one of the middle class neighborhoods.

The building is small but I get the feeling that much of the guild's complex has been build underground. With a sigh I shift my duffel bag to my other shoulder and push the door to the shop open. A young woman is sitting behind the counter and she eyes me as I look around.

"You have business with them." I narrow my eyes at her and she smiles at me. "Of course you do. Only those who have business with the guild find this place." Suddenly she is beside me. I try to back away but she presses the palm of her hand to my forehead. Immediately a rush of my memories stir within me and her smile widens. "You are unwilling, have always been unwilling. They will eventually break you. You should know that by now."

"Shut up."

"You will find them through that door. Go to them, it's not like you have a choice."The door she indicates leads to an elevator and I step in. Almost immediately the door slides shut and the I can feel the motion as it moves downward. The doors open a moment later and I feel a draft of air brush against my face as I step out.

"Zarrendel stop." The air thickens and a man cloaked in shadow appears before me.

"Welcome home dear boy." While my greeting had been terse and edged with anger the spirit's is warm and welcoming, almost happy to see me. "Master Alundres eagerly awaits you in the receiving chamber." I say nothing as Zarrendel begins moving down the hall. The shadows seem to flow around him like a robe as he glides inches above the floor and I force myself to follow. When we reach the end of the hall the elaborate double doors of the receiving chamber swing open on silent hinges and I feel compelled to enter.

The strap of my duffel slips from my shoulder and the doors swing shut once I'm inside. Power swirls around me and I fight the haziness of my mind as I slip Exeter's case over my neck and drop him to the floor. My hat, and coat, and finally the black t-shirt I had been wearing follow it. Shadows thicken around me and it almost feels as though my senses have been numbed as I approach the table. Three men sit on the other side and one of them stands and walks around to stand before me. It takes all my will not to look at him and he chuckles quietly.

"Still defiant as ever aren't you boy? Barely eighteen and your meager years have made you arrogant. _Look at me! Damn you!_" I can feel the magic radiating from him but I force myself to ignore his, so far, subtle manipulations. Resisting him has always been a matter of pride for me. Cerberus and Diablos stir and to my horror are actually intrigued by the ripples of power that drifts across my mind.

Master Alundres grabs my arm and the tattoo seems to take on a life of its own. It glows an almost blinding silver and the bands of color tighten around my arm. Pain ten times worse than what I experienced when I was in Balamb rips through me. I lock my knees to stay standing and try to keep from screaming as wave after wave of agony tears through me. The pain finally stops as he places his finger under my chin and tips it upwards. His skin feels as cold as Shiva's touch and I can't keep from gasping as the magic ripples through my mind. I struggle to keep my hold on Diablos and Cerberus as the guild elder draws them away from me.

"N-no." I collapse to my knees as their abilities leave me and I can feel myself trembling before the sudden emptiness of my mind. The man kneels in front of me and a black ball of Diablos' energy crackles in his hand.

"How humorous and oddly appropriate that a demon and a hell-hound would bind themselves to you." Soft laughter reaches my still ringing ears as the man's statement reaches his companions. "Your choice of familiar only proves how deeply bound to _us_ you are." He allows my gaze to drop to the floor and I fight back tears. I hate being this vulnerable and weak, above all I can't stand being humiliated. I try to reach for my spells and bite back a whimper as I remember that without Diablos or Cerberus my spells are unavailable to me.

My skin chills and I shiver as the elder guild master brushes his hand down the side of my face. The miniature black ball of energy eagerly laps at my already depleted life-force and I drop my hands to the floor to steady myself.

"G-give t-them back."

"You were taught not to rely on such trinkets. I should destroy them." My eyes flash upward in desperation and I shake my head.

"NO!"

"I will give them back on the condition that you cooperate. Make this not a struggle for us for a change and you get to keep them." I nod desperately, willing to do anything he says so I'm not alone in my own head for any longer than I have to be.

"Whatever you want."

"As you wish." The man cups my cheek and guides my gaze upward to meet his eyes. His power ripples over me and I gasp in relief as Cerberus' howl echoes through my mind and Diablos' power settles back in my muscles.

"What have I been summoned for?"

"You will find out in due time dear boy. For now you must rest. You have had a long journey."

"Just tell me so I can get this over with!"

"Do not forget your agreement to cooperate. You will do as we wish when we wish you to and you will not utter a word of protest." I nod in defeat and hang my head as his words, emphasized with his powers, wash over me.

"Yes sir." My words are a whisper and I almost see him smirking down at me.

"Escort him downstairs." I hear the doors swinging open behind me and Zarrendel's almost insubstantial hand settles on the bare skin of my shoulder.

"Gather your things young one." I nod numbly and struggle to my feet. Exeter's case feels like its made of adamantine and the strap bites into my bare chest as I lean down to gather the rest of my belongings. When I've gathered my clothes I follow Zarrendel from the room.

I already know where he will take me and my skin crawls as he leads me down the twisting narrow stairwell that leads to the dormitory rooms. The 'dorms' are little more than cells and I glance in the small windows of each small room as I pass. Many of them are filled with kids, anywhere from ten to fifteen, all male, all stripped to the waist with the guild's magical brand clearly gleaming on their skin. There is no saving any of us and a little desperation worms its way into my chest as Zarrendel stops before an open door.

I slip into the room without a word and shudder as the door shuts behind me. My weapons and bag drop to the floor and I curl up on the narrow cot. This is too much like the years in my early teens, when I would spend the downtime between jobs with Caib in one of these little rooms with nothing but my own mind to entertain me and a weapon collection to care for. It scares the hell out of me to be back here, even running around with Squall and his crazy bunch, fighting a battle to save the world hadn't scared me as much as being back in one of these rooms does.

At least I'm not alone this time. Cerberus' shadowy form nudges the edges of my conscious and the three headed mutt howls forlornly. Diablos merely shakes his head at the mutt as he continues to whine. I'm not sure which is going to drive me crazy first, the two of them, or the sudden claustrophobia that comes from being locked in a room that is responsible for so many of my childhood nightmares.

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**I hope everyone enjoyed, and lets me know that you enjoyed. Let me know what I'm doing right or wrong, let me know about mistakes. Let me know what you think of the dark little guild I'm building and what it does for Irvine's character. Want to see more of Diablos and Cerberus interacting? Tell me that too! Thanks guys. I really appreciate feedback and I try to respond to reviews.**


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